The flight

......I couldn't help, but giggle.
My lovely co-passenger on the plane, looked at me in suspicion..

I, showed her the trademark Indian hand signal, to wait so that I can explain..

I took out my mobile, opened the notepad, and started typing...

Now, she was looking at me..capriciously..

I finished typing and showed her the phone...

"I've always dreamt about such kind of a situation, that I am on a flight, sitting next to a damsel when I start a witty and funny conversation and by the end of the flight, we both are into each other"

I continued typing while she was reading the text..

"But there you are; here is my moment to shine, but all I feel like is a blockade in my voice-box. I may even stammer, if I say hello to you..so I am laughing at the cruelty of irony and my general sense of nervousness when trying to break the ice"

She giggles too, and some higher notes of her voice were also heard by the other passengers. She kept one palm on her mouth to prevent a loud laughter.

She then took out her mobile, opened the note section and wrote..

"Well, that's a new one! I have heard a lot of other stuffs, but trying to impress using a fail theory, is a first time for me. I just hope you're not a deaf-dumb :P :D"

I giggled too, and wrote on my mobile

"Who knows if I am also a psychopathic killer? :D"

Then as if in a pact or some silence challenge, we type-talked to each other for the rest of the 2 hours of the flight, from love, science, religion to politics and food.

As the plane was about to land, the sense of reality kicked in.

I saw her face. She already knew, what was I going to ask. She wrote in her mobile and we had the following conversation:

She : "Do you believe in destiny?"
I      : "Yes"
She : "Do you like the movie 'Serendipity?"
I       : "Yes, who doesn't? :P"
She  : ":)"
She  : "Then we'll see each other again, if destiny has something in store for us"
I        : "What can I say... :-|"
She   : "Don't spoil the moment, is all I can say. Even if we never meet, I will remember these couple of hours"

I didn't say a word. We just looked at each other and she even held my hand when the plane touched the ground. We parted, while smiling at each other, hoping to meet...again..

#figmentsofimagination

Cinema and I

For the myriad, cinema is an escape from the normal world. People want to escape from their daily routines, work and family related stress and enjoy the 1.5 to 2.5 hours in a movie theater, which is fine with me. What is not fine is when the same people start to judge a piece of cinema based on their shallow or little knowledge of what goes behind into making it. It’s like a person who knows little or nothing about paintings, trying to pass some verdict on a Picasso piece.

For me, Cinema is art, in its most beautiful form. Cinema is like a painting in motion, with beautiful and sometimes even unheard of sounds; where the characters are not stuck in a time-frame but are moving through different stills to show you a world which never was, and make you believe that what’s going on that 70 mm screen is happening right in front of your eyes.

A good piece of Cinema is like mom’s food. The aftertaste of mom’s food lingers in your mouth for a long time and you never forget the taste of her hand. A great piece of Cinematic art has the power to take you in a different time zone, a great piece cinema can alter cultural dynamics of the society, a great piece of Cinema can inspire science and a great piece of Cinema can change the way you see and think about the world.

I had my first tryst with cinema in 1996 when cable TV came to my hometown. I had watched TV earlier, but cable gave me some sort of moral freedom. First time ever, rent was being to watch TV and someone had to utilize it. Also, dad’s job and business at hand gave me enough time to sneak into TV from time to time. One of the first movies I remember seeing is Rajesh Khanna’s Anand, which still holds highest regards in my heart. Very soon I found out, that Indian cinema is not the only one on this planet when, one fine day, I stumbled on Star Movies while surfing channels.

Those days, English channels were sort of a taboo. It was thought of as a bad influence on growing kids. Censor board too, was much more liberal and not like a moral police as in today’s times. Kissing scenes, killing scenes and smoking scenes were shown in their full glory and you had to be quick with your short range TV remote, so that you can change the channel whenever parents were around, while the characters were about to get intimate.

I enjoyed the late 80’s and early 90’s classics until 2002 when I left home to continue with my higher studies. In Lucknow, I was denied the luxury of a TV, but now, there was no one to stop me from going to theaters. Morning shows were my first love and I had even found some shabby theaters where the balcony seat was as low as Rs 15. I remember watching my first Vin Diesel movie "XXX"  in one such theater.  The name of the movie resembles a porn title but it’s actually a great action movie of that time. Watching Vin jumping out from a car in the middle of the air gave me goosebumps.

Years went by and came 2006, my second year of Engineering at Ghaziabad. Like most of the students, I too, succeeded in befooling my innocent parents to buy me a desktop, as I had a lot of educational stuff to do on that. I am an Electronics & Instrumentation Engineer, so you know I didn’t have any programming to do. Did I forget to mention that I also got an external graphic card installed in there?
Anyways, apart from gaming and listening to music and watching videos, my system was used for one whole sole purpose – Movies.

A computer and infinite access to internet in college hostel opened my windows to world cinema. I also came to know about something called IMDB, which till today, happens to be the Google of movies. I started with Tarantino, Ritchie, Spielberg, Scorsese, Allen, Zemeckis, Hitchcock, Eastwood and Leone to name a few. I then moved on the best actors of all time, then to cinematographers, then the screenplay writers until a time when I started to think, what next?

Through internet, I started reading and noticing about the various international film festivals and movies that were making a big mark there. I also came to understand that language is no barrier for a great piece of cinematic art. Emotions transcend through the barrier of language and you have Subscene dot com and Subtitles dot org to give you a helping hand.

The complete collection of a singer or a musical band is called discography. I am proud to have completed the discography of many cinematic greats of all time. Like in the case of novels, movies too have some taboo. Almost all have read or seen it, but will never confess it. I mean if you have read novels, you must have read Eleven Minutes by Paulo Coelho and if you ever have watched international movies in the confinement of your hostel rooms, you must have watched Melina and Irreversible. Watching the latter was a soul shaking experience. To see rape enacted in a movie which was no less disturbing or terrifying that it must have been to the victims of this ghastly crime!

Movies are a part of my existence. It’s like a world of 3D emotional experience for me, where I feel the love, happiness, hatred and all sort of other emotions a character undergoes. For during the run-time of a movie, I am the protagonist and the antagonist, I am the male lead and the female interest, I am the right hand of the hero and I am the taxi driver he has a casual chat with and I am also the father of the beautiful heroine and I can feel the emotion while he caresses his daughter’s hair or cover her in his embrace. I am the old guy from the Notebook who loves his wife and I am also the Joker from the Dark Knight who is nothing more than a dog chasing cars.

Even with the most modest of calculations and taking only 9 straight years (since 2006), of watching movies every day, I have watched 9*365 = 3285 movies, which, trust me, is less than actual half of the movies I have watched. Even today, I watch one, everyday.

Everybody hates to and is fearful of dying. One of the things I will miss most in my afterlife would be that piece of 70 MM art which the world calls a motion picture!

The Video Game Console

What I am going to share with you is surely one of the funniest and yet one of the most embarrassing moments of my life, so far.

Back in my home town, Deoria(U.P), we own an electronic shop.

It actually started as an agency for Nelco Radio, way back in 1973 (The radio you saw in Barfi Movie). As it happened, we couldn't cope up with the changing times and what is left, is a small time sell and repair shop. These days, mostly Dad’s (retired) friends visit the shop as a junction for evening time Tea- Snacks and also a platform to discuss local issues.

We (I, my elder sister and younger brother) feared our father too much. Ironically, dad never beat us for our mischievous acts. In fact he practised non-violence with us. But don’t take a wrong clue from it. He has the power to give long lecturing sessions, non-stop!

That’s where the fear stems from. If disgraceful dialogues could kill, I could have died a thousand times by now. I believe the reason behind not beating would be the same - When he could slap us with his lectures, why to spoil a rod?

Dad’s school schedule was as follows ( No he didn't study till his fifties; he was a lecturer) :-

10:00 AM to 1:00 PM – School

1:00 PM to 1:45 PM – Back to home for a tea break and spend some time at the shop

2:00 PM to 4:30 PM – School

4:30 PM onwards – Home

I was in 07^th or 08^th standard (that would be 1999-2000). Dad had brought a hand held Videogame console from his recent visit to Delhi. Actually, I and my younger brother had literally begged my father to bring it. There were 2-3 games on it; one was Tetris and another one was Car Racing. I don’t remember the 3^rd one. The console was powered by two Pencil Cell batteries. I and my brother played so much on it that the batteries wouldn’t last for more than a couple of days.

It was not more than a week since we had our toy that we were showered with tons of lectures on the topic, that how this console was ruining our life and how we would end up opening a Pan Shop, or a Grocery store, among other things. The console’s battery was almost over and I and my brother were craving to play.

Saturdays used to be the day when school would get over early. If I remember correctly, it closed around 12-12:30 PM. According to my plan, if I left school at 12:35 and reached home by 12:45, I would’ve beg mom to give 10 Rs so that I could get a couple of batteries, then would go to the nearby shop to buy them and return by 1:00 pm. The plan was perfect. Dad usually got home by 5 past 1(1:05 PM).

The plan of the schedule was tight but I had to take the risk. I was using my sister’s cycle as my cycle was puncture. As per plan, I left the school, as soon as I could. For most part of the journey (from my school to home), I was cycling in an upright standing position for maximum speed. Not once did I rest my bums on the seat! As soon as I reached home, I threw my clothes, wore shorts, t-shirt, begged mom for mercy and pedaled my way to the market. I bought the pencil cell, pedaled back, but alas; I was late. Fate was cruel to me that day. Dad was already standing on the counter of the shop and he saw me.

He signaled his hands to come over. Obstinately, I cycled myself all the way to the counter, crossing the big open drain which is just outside the shop. Dad asked me, “Where have you been?”, “Had your lunch?”

I told him that I went to meet a friend and expectedly, dad didn’t buy that. He asked me to show my pockets and I said nothing’s there, but he was adamant to check my pockets.

As soon as he tried to open the counter of the shop to come outside, I tried to drift my cycle and run away. I don’t know what went wrong, but the next moment I know, I was in the drain! Cycle above me, all muck covering my face, body and hair. The drain was around 5 feet deep (almost of my height at that time) and 5 feet wide, but in non-rainy season, its level is generally around 3 feet, enough to drench me, not enough to drown me or take me with its current.

We had 2 working staff at that time and they both ran towards the drain. As they were trying to lift me up, I could hear my dad say, “let him be there for another 5 minutes”.

I couldn’t believe my ears! Then he continued, “he was being too smart, he should learn a lesson”

I was angry as well as distressed, so, If I would have opened my mouth, the drain sludge would have entered my mouth; all I could do was to make a squealing sound while my mouth was closed!

Finally I was lifted up, and was made to wash myself with mud in the garden area. Then the maid was deployed to wash me and she literally washed me like a dirty linen. A lot of shampoo and a new bathing soap was sacrificed to cleanse me up. I ended up having cold due to the long procedure, and was still being lectured till late in the evening.

It has been more than a decade and half but the memory is still so fresh that sometimes I can feel the sludge all over again :P

The whole incident taught me one thing, if you think you are smart, remember that your parents are smarter! Do Not Lie, especially if you’re a kid, since you've nowhere to run, nowhere to hide.

Insomniac

The year was 1993.
It was dinner time and everybody on the table was hooked more to the tv than the food lying in plates.
It was the age of Doordarshan and the program running was none other than prime time news.
Aarav could see his dad swing his head in disgust and his mother making sound like "tch-tch-tch"
Honestly, those expressions were as watered down as can be from a troubled guardian. A serial killer was on a spree, murdering 4 people in the past month and these numbers were the confirmed cases; a dozen more were in the investigation phase.
The mode of killing was brutal in each case. Police suspected a sharp weapon had been used and the victims were all random, innocent people - teenagers, men-women in their middle or old age.
To make matters worse, these murders were happening in the city Aarav's family was.
Dad, as usual, was playing cool yet authoritatively protective. He asked everyone to lock all windows and made sure himself that entry as well as back doors were properly locked.
They all wished good night to each other and headed towards their respective rooms.
It was 1 am when Aarav woke up. Actually, he wasn't even sleeping this whole time. He heard some rattling sound coming from the kitchen area. He went there, and switched on the light; only to found that a kitten had found it's way in and making utensils fall. He shooed it away, but sensed an odour coming from the dustbin and opened the kitchen window before going back to his room. It was 1:15 AM by then.
He locked the door from inside, opened his closet and took an old suitcase out of it. There was a big plastic bag inside it, which he unzipped, wore the track suit, cap, gloves and sport shoes, then headed straight towards the window of his room. He opened it, walked on the windowsill that was protruding outside and grabbed the septic tank pipe which had always helped him to skid to the ground.
He walked a couple of blocks before fading into a dark alley. He was continuously checking every other house for open windows or unlocked doors till he found one! There was an open window.
Aarav peeped into to see what was looking like a living room. He entered as silent as shadow. He was finding his way when he saw a staircase at the end of the hall that was leading to the first floor. He took it. The floor had only two rooms, one on the left and one on the right. He tried to open the right one, but couldn't - it was probably locked from inside. He tried the left one- it got open. There was a girl lying on that bed - may be in early twenties. Aarav sat on the side of the bed for a couple of mins. He was staring at her face. He then smiled, took a deep breath, took out a meat cleaver from his jacket, grabbed the mouth of the girl and within a split second made a precision cut on Adam's apple. He had severed her voice box- all audible sound she made while gaping was like 'hiss'. Blood spurting from the wound like a fountain with every systolic movement.
He jumped upon the bed, sat on her chest, grabbed both her hands and started mumbling slowly while looking right in her eyes.
"Don't fight it or it will be prolonged and painful, stay calm, it will be all over soon..and no it's not your fault, neither mine. You're just the chosen one...shhh....shhh...". Her fight till then had been reduced to occasional body thrusts as her eyes rolled back before drooling finally. Aarav kissed her forehead, went back downstairs to find the master bedroom and the girl's parents sleep in peace. He repeated the ghastly act, entered the bathroom, cleansed himself and walked out from where he came from.
He went back to his home, packed his things back in the plastic bag and then in the suitcase before keeping it back into the closet. He took a bath, then his sleeping pill- Alprax, which he wasn't taking for the past three nights. He was insomniac and hadn't blinked an eye since he took the medicine last time.He went to bed then quickly to sleep.
He woke up to a strange noises. Someone was shaking him vigorously. He could barely open his eyes. He gathered his senses to see that it was a policeman. His face turned pale, he thought he got caught. He wanted to say something but couldn't find any words. He could also see some more cops surrounding him and some outside his room.
Then someone said - are you alright? How long have you been sleeping? Did you hear any strange noice? Why didn't you opened the door?
Aarav couldn't understand a bit!
All he could say was- What happened? Why are you here? I didn't do anything?
A cop sat beside him while another one comforted his shoulder- Beta, some serial killer killed all your family last night, he couldn't get to you as your room was locked from inside. I'm sorry. We got a call from your milkman. We had to break open the front door. It was too late by then. I'm sorry!

Apple Announces iPhone 7, Takes The World By Storm!

Apple stunned the world, once again, on Thursday by announcing the release if its next flagship super smart phone, the Apple iPhone 7. It’s been only three weeks since the company launched iPhone 5 whose sales have smashed all statistical forecasts. The company is however pushing the launch of iPhone 7 to the end of October.

Tim Cook was all smiles while introducing the phone in an invitation only press conference held at Apple headquarters in Cupertino, CA. In his own words, “This device that I am holding is not just a smart phone, it’s the future.” He went on adding, “With a 4.02 inch screen it’s going to revolutionize user experience. The processor is now 1.1 times faster than iPhone 5 and we have included 1152 Mb Ram a significant 12.5% increase over the former model.  The Camera is now a massive 8.2 mp compared to the smaller 8mp variant in iPhone 5.” “Not just external”, Timmy emphasized, “The external body is completely revamped. The design is not rectangular but oval, so that it can be also used as a vanity accessory. We have used an all stainless steel body to make the phone sturdy, with very small change in weight.” Apparently the iPhone 7 is reported to be a meager 524 gms in hand. Other features include a wireless connection ability to share and exchange data with other devices which the company has name iConnect. On being confronted that it’s Bluetooth renamed, Apple supporters thrashed the reporter in the conference room itself. Similarly the Wi-Fi is renamed as iFi, music player as iMusic player and internet browser as iBrowser. The move is to separate niche` users of Apple products from the herd of cheap Android users.

World markets have soured since the news broke and Wall Street is all praise for Apple. Analysts and Strategists have recommended small time and big players to invest in iPhone 7 rather than shares or gold since the demand is going to be so high, that the returns by selling an iPhone 7 in grey market would pay much more dividend in too less a time.

Some Apple users were interviewed and they were more than happy about the news. An American woman in her mid thirties was in tears, “I had lost faith in God, but then came Apple, I am overwhelmed. I will buy a dozen of those.” Another skimpily dressed girl in her teens said, “This Apple to me is what Adams’ Apple to Eve was!” Another man in his mid twenties said, “This is huge, I mean I have an iPhone 4 with 4” screen but 4.02” is big, I mean really BIG. It’s going to be awesome!”

Gauging the inclination and interest of common man more towards smart phones and other gadgets than Economic status of the country, the government has announced a subsidy when the phone gets launched in India. Millions of smart phone users have applauded this move.

Meanwhile Samsung has decided to up the competition by announcing plans to launch a 15’’, 4Ghz , 8 GB RAM smart phone in the next quarter with storage capacities up to 1 TB.

Digvijay Launches His Own Blog, Draws More Flak Than Followers!

Senior Pokes Person from Congress, Digvijay Singh once again found himself amidst deep waters when all he was trying, was to be more open to the common man. The gaffe happened when Digvijay Singh was about to launch his own blog the presence of hundreds of reporters and a huge fanfare. All was well when suddenly the auditorium, where the press conference was scheduled, burst into laughter as soon the unveiling of the online blog went live on screen. This happened because the blog which was reportedly titled as “Diggy Raja” appeared on-screen as “Doggy Raja”.

Digvijay was shocked and at the same time infuriated by the disgraceful behavior shown by the media persons. He could only speak after having few glasses of ice cold water. His first reaction was much of an anger outburst than an explanation, “See, this is what RSS is all about, since they cannot malign my public friendly image, they have taken into cheap tactics to make a mockery of me. I am sure my account was hacked before launching.”

On asked that maybe it’s a “typo”, Digvijay rubbished it by saying “I double spell-check my own name before publishing, I am sure there is RSS hand in it, period.”

HRD minister Kabil Sibbal said he was disgusted by the whole incident, “I stand by Digvijay Ji’s remark, but for a moment, if I agree to you people too that it might have been a typo, still it must have been corrected by the blogging site operators.” He further added ,”See, prominent personalities don’t have much time to think before they speak or write, as they have dedicated much of their cognitive powers towards nation building. So even if we speak or write something that appears to be out of context or misleading, it’s the responsibility of the social media to present our views in a better way to public. ”

An insider from the I&B ministry, later told the reporter that Kapil Sibal concern is very serious in nature and I&B ministry is framing some tough norms for the Social Media to curb the issues Mr Sibal discussed earlier.

The PMO, informed that the PM won’t be able to express his views right now, as he has been into an state of emotional turmoil since he has watched “Barfi.”

Interestingly at the time of this report being published, Digvijay Singh has garnered some interesting personalities to be his followers, namely Veena Malik, Rakhi Sawant, Sherlyn Chopra, Ashmit Patel and Mamta Banerjee.

Also, news has come in that reporter and journalist of national fame, Arnab Goswami was held outside Digvijay Singh’s residence later that night in an inebriated state, shouting “The nation demands an answer.” 

Rahul Gandhi To Marry Veena Malik

Amidst political instability and growing chances of Mid-term elections, Congress yuvraj Rahul Gandhi is all set to tie knot with sizzling Pak actress and Model Veena Malik in a simple ceremony. Sources close to the two confirmed the news. The marriage will however take place in a swayamwar style where 100s' of decoy suitors from the Congress party and SP, BSP will be dressed as Groom when Veena will select Rahul among many.

It is learned that since chances of money laundering cases against him can be filed against him after the elections, he decided that this is the right time to marry, when the cash is in surplus. The duo is expected to leave for a world tour, expectedly on government borne expenses. The PMO on queried about the same issued a statement saying, “Rahul Gandhi has given his blood and sweat for this country, this is just a small gesture of the government to pay him back.” 

Sonia Gandhi is said be on her toes from the day she got the news from Rahul baba himself and is planning a party at Silvio Berlusconi farmhouse on her next visit to Italy.

Several members of the party and opposition were contacted by our reporters to record their views about the matrimony. Here are some excerpts from a selected few.

Senior Pokes Person from Congress, Digvijay Singh was more than happy to express his views, “We are very happy that Rahul baba has finally decided to marry, but as an elder of the Congress family I’m also concerned about him, carrying the household duties on his shoulder at the tender age of 42.”

On questioning about Veena’s Pakistani roots, Digvijay’s reaction was acerbic: “Who told you that Veena is from Pakistan?” “Certainly there is RSS hand involved in this!” “I have documented proof(holding an A4 size paper that seems like a birth certificate) that she is as Indian as Sonia Ji herself and after marriage she will be the country’s Bahu and who knows might be the next Sonia Ji of Congress”.

The last remark however didn’t go well by other Congress leaders and the reporter was told that the remarks made by Digvijay Singh are his own views. News is around that he has been deported to Bangkok for three weeks while the reason being given by Congress is rather questionable: “Digvijay Ji is having a stiff neck from past few weeks and has gone for a thorough massage session in Bangkok”

BJP: - This is yet again a move by the Congress party to distract common mans’ attention from rising inflation and a policy paralyzed government fighting its own allies.”We oppose this decision and ask for the PM’s resignation for the 50^th and final time. We will disrupt the parliament in the winter session till the PM hand’s his resignation”, Arun Jaitley was quoted as saying on behalf of his party.

When informed that the marriage was scheduled to take place in the coming fortnight, the senior BJP leader, after a brief silence, said that then they will call for a nation vide “band” on the 30^th of this month.

President: President Pranab Mukherjee was more than happy to receive the news by the reporter. He called for “Rosogulla” and honored the reporter by making him have the dessert with his own hands. He said, “The country is eager to see Rahul baba  in a bigger role, and what better than this.”

It is learned that Superstar Ashmit Patel will perform the Kanyadaan ritual in the marriage ceremony.