Apple Announces iPhone 7, Takes The World By Storm!

Apple stunned the world, once again, on Thursday by announcing the release if its next flagship super smart phone, the Apple iPhone 7. It’s been only three weeks since the company launched iPhone 5 whose sales have smashed all statistical forecasts. The company is however pushing the launch of iPhone 7 to the end of October.

Tim Cook was all smiles while introducing the phone in an invitation only press conference held at Apple headquarters in Cupertino, CA. In his own words, “This device that I am holding is not just a smart phone, it’s the future.” He went on adding, “With a 4.02 inch screen it’s going to revolutionize user experience. The processor is now 1.1 times faster than iPhone 5 and we have included 1152 Mb Ram a significant 12.5% increase over the former model.  The Camera is now a massive 8.2 mp compared to the smaller 8mp variant in iPhone 5.” “Not just external”, Timmy emphasized, “The external body is completely revamped. The design is not rectangular but oval, so that it can be also used as a vanity accessory. We have used an all stainless steel body to make the phone sturdy, with very small change in weight.” Apparently the iPhone 7 is reported to be a meager 524 gms in hand. Other features include a wireless connection ability to share and exchange data with other devices which the company has name iConnect. On being confronted that it’s Bluetooth renamed, Apple supporters thrashed the reporter in the conference room itself. Similarly the Wi-Fi is renamed as iFi, music player as iMusic player and internet browser as iBrowser. The move is to separate niche` users of Apple products from the herd of cheap Android users.

World markets have soured since the news broke and Wall Street is all praise for Apple. Analysts and Strategists have recommended small time and big players to invest in iPhone 7 rather than shares or gold since the demand is going to be so high, that the returns by selling an iPhone 7 in grey market would pay much more dividend in too less a time.

Some Apple users were interviewed and they were more than happy about the news. An American woman in her mid thirties was in tears, “I had lost faith in God, but then came Apple, I am overwhelmed. I will buy a dozen of those.” Another skimpily dressed girl in her teens said, “This Apple to me is what Adams’ Apple to Eve was!” Another man in his mid twenties said, “This is huge, I mean I have an iPhone 4 with 4” screen but 4.02” is big, I mean really BIG. It’s going to be awesome!”

Gauging the inclination and interest of common man more towards smart phones and other gadgets than Economic status of the country, the government has announced a subsidy when the phone gets launched in India. Millions of smart phone users have applauded this move.

Meanwhile Samsung has decided to up the competition by announcing plans to launch a 15’’, 4Ghz , 8 GB RAM smart phone in the next quarter with storage capacities up to 1 TB.

Digvijay Launches His Own Blog, Draws More Flak Than Followers!

Senior Pokes Person from Congress, Digvijay Singh once again found himself amidst deep waters when all he was trying, was to be more open to the common man. The gaffe happened when Digvijay Singh was about to launch his own blog the presence of hundreds of reporters and a huge fanfare. All was well when suddenly the auditorium, where the press conference was scheduled, burst into laughter as soon the unveiling of the online blog went live on screen. This happened because the blog which was reportedly titled as “Diggy Raja” appeared on-screen as “Doggy Raja”.

Digvijay was shocked and at the same time infuriated by the disgraceful behavior shown by the media persons. He could only speak after having few glasses of ice cold water. His first reaction was much of an anger outburst than an explanation, “See, this is what RSS is all about, since they cannot malign my public friendly image, they have taken into cheap tactics to make a mockery of me. I am sure my account was hacked before launching.”

On asked that maybe it’s a “typo”, Digvijay rubbished it by saying “I double spell-check my own name before publishing, I am sure there is RSS hand in it, period.”

HRD minister Kabil Sibbal said he was disgusted by the whole incident, “I stand by Digvijay Ji’s remark, but for a moment, if I agree to you people too that it might have been a typo, still it must have been corrected by the blogging site operators.” He further added ,”See, prominent personalities don’t have much time to think before they speak or write, as they have dedicated much of their cognitive powers towards nation building. So even if we speak or write something that appears to be out of context or misleading, it’s the responsibility of the social media to present our views in a better way to public. ”

An insider from the I&B ministry, later told the reporter that Kapil Sibal concern is very serious in nature and I&B ministry is framing some tough norms for the Social Media to curb the issues Mr Sibal discussed earlier.

The PMO, informed that the PM won’t be able to express his views right now, as he has been into an state of emotional turmoil since he has watched “Barfi.”

Interestingly at the time of this report being published, Digvijay Singh has garnered some interesting personalities to be his followers, namely Veena Malik, Rakhi Sawant, Sherlyn Chopra, Ashmit Patel and Mamta Banerjee.

Also, news has come in that reporter and journalist of national fame, Arnab Goswami was held outside Digvijay Singh’s residence later that night in an inebriated state, shouting “The nation demands an answer.” 

Rahul Gandhi To Marry Veena Malik

Amidst political instability and growing chances of Mid-term elections, Congress yuvraj Rahul Gandhi is all set to tie knot with sizzling Pak actress and Model Veena Malik in a simple ceremony. Sources close to the two confirmed the news. The marriage will however take place in a swayamwar style where 100s' of decoy suitors from the Congress party and SP, BSP will be dressed as Groom when Veena will select Rahul among many.

It is learned that since chances of money laundering cases against him can be filed against him after the elections, he decided that this is the right time to marry, when the cash is in surplus. The duo is expected to leave for a world tour, expectedly on government borne expenses. The PMO on queried about the same issued a statement saying, “Rahul Gandhi has given his blood and sweat for this country, this is just a small gesture of the government to pay him back.” 

Sonia Gandhi is said be on her toes from the day she got the news from Rahul baba himself and is planning a party at Silvio Berlusconi farmhouse on her next visit to Italy.

Several members of the party and opposition were contacted by our reporters to record their views about the matrimony. Here are some excerpts from a selected few.

Senior Pokes Person from Congress, Digvijay Singh was more than happy to express his views, “We are very happy that Rahul baba has finally decided to marry, but as an elder of the Congress family I’m also concerned about him, carrying the household duties on his shoulder at the tender age of 42.”

On questioning about Veena’s Pakistani roots, Digvijay’s reaction was acerbic: “Who told you that Veena is from Pakistan?” “Certainly there is RSS hand involved in this!” “I have documented proof(holding an A4 size paper that seems like a birth certificate) that she is as Indian as Sonia Ji herself and after marriage she will be the country’s Bahu and who knows might be the next Sonia Ji of Congress”.

The last remark however didn’t go well by other Congress leaders and the reporter was told that the remarks made by Digvijay Singh are his own views. News is around that he has been deported to Bangkok for three weeks while the reason being given by Congress is rather questionable: “Digvijay Ji is having a stiff neck from past few weeks and has gone for a thorough massage session in Bangkok”

BJP: - This is yet again a move by the Congress party to distract common mans’ attention from rising inflation and a policy paralyzed government fighting its own allies.”We oppose this decision and ask for the PM’s resignation for the 50^th and final time. We will disrupt the parliament in the winter session till the PM hand’s his resignation”, Arun Jaitley was quoted as saying on behalf of his party.

When informed that the marriage was scheduled to take place in the coming fortnight, the senior BJP leader, after a brief silence, said that then they will call for a nation vide “band” on the 30^th of this month.

President: President Pranab Mukherjee was more than happy to receive the news by the reporter. He called for “Rosogulla” and honored the reporter by making him have the dessert with his own hands. He said, “The country is eager to see Rahul baba  in a bigger role, and what better than this.”

It is learned that Superstar Ashmit Patel will perform the Kanyadaan ritual in the marriage ceremony.