The Video Game Console

What I am going to share with you is surely one of the funniest and yet one of the most embarrassing moments of my life, so far.

Back in my home town, Deoria(U.P), we own an electronic shop.

It actually started as an agency for Nelco Radio, way back in 1973 (The radio you saw in Barfi Movie). As it happened, we couldn't cope up with the changing times and what is left, is a small time sell and repair shop. These days, mostly Dad’s (retired) friends visit the shop as a junction for evening time Tea- Snacks and also a platform to discuss local issues.

We (I, my elder sister and younger brother) feared our father too much. Ironically, dad never beat us for our mischievous acts. In fact he practised non-violence with us. But don’t take a wrong clue from it. He has the power to give long lecturing sessions, non-stop!

That’s where the fear stems from. If disgraceful dialogues could kill, I could have died a thousand times by now. I believe the reason behind not beating would be the same - When he could slap us with his lectures, why to spoil a rod?

Dad’s school schedule was as follows ( No he didn't study till his fifties; he was a lecturer) :-

10:00 AM to 1:00 PM – School

1:00 PM to 1:45 PM – Back to home for a tea break and spend some time at the shop

2:00 PM to 4:30 PM – School

4:30 PM onwards – Home

I was in 07^th or 08^th standard (that would be 1999-2000). Dad had brought a hand held Videogame console from his recent visit to Delhi. Actually, I and my younger brother had literally begged my father to bring it. There were 2-3 games on it; one was Tetris and another one was Car Racing. I don’t remember the 3^rd one. The console was powered by two Pencil Cell batteries. I and my brother played so much on it that the batteries wouldn’t last for more than a couple of days.

It was not more than a week since we had our toy that we were showered with tons of lectures on the topic, that how this console was ruining our life and how we would end up opening a Pan Shop, or a Grocery store, among other things. The console’s battery was almost over and I and my brother were craving to play.

Saturdays used to be the day when school would get over early. If I remember correctly, it closed around 12-12:30 PM. According to my plan, if I left school at 12:35 and reached home by 12:45, I would’ve beg mom to give 10 Rs so that I could get a couple of batteries, then would go to the nearby shop to buy them and return by 1:00 pm. The plan was perfect. Dad usually got home by 5 past 1(1:05 PM).

The plan of the schedule was tight but I had to take the risk. I was using my sister’s cycle as my cycle was puncture. As per plan, I left the school, as soon as I could. For most part of the journey (from my school to home), I was cycling in an upright standing position for maximum speed. Not once did I rest my bums on the seat! As soon as I reached home, I threw my clothes, wore shorts, t-shirt, begged mom for mercy and pedaled my way to the market. I bought the pencil cell, pedaled back, but alas; I was late. Fate was cruel to me that day. Dad was already standing on the counter of the shop and he saw me.

He signaled his hands to come over. Obstinately, I cycled myself all the way to the counter, crossing the big open drain which is just outside the shop. Dad asked me, “Where have you been?”, “Had your lunch?”

I told him that I went to meet a friend and expectedly, dad didn’t buy that. He asked me to show my pockets and I said nothing’s there, but he was adamant to check my pockets.

As soon as he tried to open the counter of the shop to come outside, I tried to drift my cycle and run away. I don’t know what went wrong, but the next moment I know, I was in the drain! Cycle above me, all muck covering my face, body and hair. The drain was around 5 feet deep (almost of my height at that time) and 5 feet wide, but in non-rainy season, its level is generally around 3 feet, enough to drench me, not enough to drown me or take me with its current.

We had 2 working staff at that time and they both ran towards the drain. As they were trying to lift me up, I could hear my dad say, “let him be there for another 5 minutes”.

I couldn’t believe my ears! Then he continued, “he was being too smart, he should learn a lesson”

I was angry as well as distressed, so, If I would have opened my mouth, the drain sludge would have entered my mouth; all I could do was to make a squealing sound while my mouth was closed!

Finally I was lifted up, and was made to wash myself with mud in the garden area. Then the maid was deployed to wash me and she literally washed me like a dirty linen. A lot of shampoo and a new bathing soap was sacrificed to cleanse me up. I ended up having cold due to the long procedure, and was still being lectured till late in the evening.

It has been more than a decade and half but the memory is still so fresh that sometimes I can feel the sludge all over again :P

The whole incident taught me one thing, if you think you are smart, remember that your parents are smarter! Do Not Lie, especially if you’re a kid, since you've nowhere to run, nowhere to hide.

Insomniac

The year was 1993.
It was dinner time and everybody on the table was hooked more to the tv than the food lying in plates.
It was the age of Doordarshan and the program running was none other than prime time news.
Aarav could see his dad swing his head in disgust and his mother making sound like "tch-tch-tch"
Honestly, those expressions were as watered down as can be from a troubled guardian. A serial killer was on a spree, murdering 4 people in the past month and these numbers were the confirmed cases; a dozen more were in the investigation phase.
The mode of killing was brutal in each case. Police suspected a sharp weapon had been used and the victims were all random, innocent people - teenagers, men-women in their middle or old age.
To make matters worse, these murders were happening in the city Aarav's family was.
Dad, as usual, was playing cool yet authoritatively protective. He asked everyone to lock all windows and made sure himself that entry as well as back doors were properly locked.
They all wished good night to each other and headed towards their respective rooms.
It was 1 am when Aarav woke up. Actually, he wasn't even sleeping this whole time. He heard some rattling sound coming from the kitchen area. He went there, and switched on the light; only to found that a kitten had found it's way in and making utensils fall. He shooed it away, but sensed an odour coming from the dustbin and opened the kitchen window before going back to his room. It was 1:15 AM by then.
He locked the door from inside, opened his closet and took an old suitcase out of it. There was a big plastic bag inside it, which he unzipped, wore the track suit, cap, gloves and sport shoes, then headed straight towards the window of his room. He opened it, walked on the windowsill that was protruding outside and grabbed the septic tank pipe which had always helped him to skid to the ground.
He walked a couple of blocks before fading into a dark alley. He was continuously checking every other house for open windows or unlocked doors till he found one! There was an open window.
Aarav peeped into to see what was looking like a living room. He entered as silent as shadow. He was finding his way when he saw a staircase at the end of the hall that was leading to the first floor. He took it. The floor had only two rooms, one on the left and one on the right. He tried to open the right one, but couldn't - it was probably locked from inside. He tried the left one- it got open. There was a girl lying on that bed - may be in early twenties. Aarav sat on the side of the bed for a couple of mins. He was staring at her face. He then smiled, took a deep breath, took out a meat cleaver from his jacket, grabbed the mouth of the girl and within a split second made a precision cut on Adam's apple. He had severed her voice box- all audible sound she made while gaping was like 'hiss'. Blood spurting from the wound like a fountain with every systolic movement.
He jumped upon the bed, sat on her chest, grabbed both her hands and started mumbling slowly while looking right in her eyes.
"Don't fight it or it will be prolonged and painful, stay calm, it will be all over soon..and no it's not your fault, neither mine. You're just the chosen one...shhh....shhh...". Her fight till then had been reduced to occasional body thrusts as her eyes rolled back before drooling finally. Aarav kissed her forehead, went back downstairs to find the master bedroom and the girl's parents sleep in peace. He repeated the ghastly act, entered the bathroom, cleansed himself and walked out from where he came from.
He went back to his home, packed his things back in the plastic bag and then in the suitcase before keeping it back into the closet. He took a bath, then his sleeping pill- Alprax, which he wasn't taking for the past three nights. He was insomniac and hadn't blinked an eye since he took the medicine last time.He went to bed then quickly to sleep.
He woke up to a strange noises. Someone was shaking him vigorously. He could barely open his eyes. He gathered his senses to see that it was a policeman. His face turned pale, he thought he got caught. He wanted to say something but couldn't find any words. He could also see some more cops surrounding him and some outside his room.
Then someone said - are you alright? How long have you been sleeping? Did you hear any strange noice? Why didn't you opened the door?
Aarav couldn't understand a bit!
All he could say was- What happened? Why are you here? I didn't do anything?
A cop sat beside him while another one comforted his shoulder- Beta, some serial killer killed all your family last night, he couldn't get to you as your room was locked from inside. I'm sorry. We got a call from your milkman. We had to break open the front door. It was too late by then. I'm sorry!

Apple Announces iPhone 7, Takes The World By Storm!

Apple stunned the world, once again, on Thursday by announcing the release if its next flagship super smart phone, the Apple iPhone 7. It’s been only three weeks since the company launched iPhone 5 whose sales have smashed all statistical forecasts. The company is however pushing the launch of iPhone 7 to the end of October.

Tim Cook was all smiles while introducing the phone in an invitation only press conference held at Apple headquarters in Cupertino, CA. In his own words, “This device that I am holding is not just a smart phone, it’s the future.” He went on adding, “With a 4.02 inch screen it’s going to revolutionize user experience. The processor is now 1.1 times faster than iPhone 5 and we have included 1152 Mb Ram a significant 12.5% increase over the former model.  The Camera is now a massive 8.2 mp compared to the smaller 8mp variant in iPhone 5.” “Not just external”, Timmy emphasized, “The external body is completely revamped. The design is not rectangular but oval, so that it can be also used as a vanity accessory. We have used an all stainless steel body to make the phone sturdy, with very small change in weight.” Apparently the iPhone 7 is reported to be a meager 524 gms in hand. Other features include a wireless connection ability to share and exchange data with other devices which the company has name iConnect. On being confronted that it’s Bluetooth renamed, Apple supporters thrashed the reporter in the conference room itself. Similarly the Wi-Fi is renamed as iFi, music player as iMusic player and internet browser as iBrowser. The move is to separate niche` users of Apple products from the herd of cheap Android users.

World markets have soured since the news broke and Wall Street is all praise for Apple. Analysts and Strategists have recommended small time and big players to invest in iPhone 7 rather than shares or gold since the demand is going to be so high, that the returns by selling an iPhone 7 in grey market would pay much more dividend in too less a time.

Some Apple users were interviewed and they were more than happy about the news. An American woman in her mid thirties was in tears, “I had lost faith in God, but then came Apple, I am overwhelmed. I will buy a dozen of those.” Another skimpily dressed girl in her teens said, “This Apple to me is what Adams’ Apple to Eve was!” Another man in his mid twenties said, “This is huge, I mean I have an iPhone 4 with 4” screen but 4.02” is big, I mean really BIG. It’s going to be awesome!”

Gauging the inclination and interest of common man more towards smart phones and other gadgets than Economic status of the country, the government has announced a subsidy when the phone gets launched in India. Millions of smart phone users have applauded this move.

Meanwhile Samsung has decided to up the competition by announcing plans to launch a 15’’, 4Ghz , 8 GB RAM smart phone in the next quarter with storage capacities up to 1 TB.

Digvijay Launches His Own Blog, Draws More Flak Than Followers!

Senior Pokes Person from Congress, Digvijay Singh once again found himself amidst deep waters when all he was trying, was to be more open to the common man. The gaffe happened when Digvijay Singh was about to launch his own blog the presence of hundreds of reporters and a huge fanfare. All was well when suddenly the auditorium, where the press conference was scheduled, burst into laughter as soon the unveiling of the online blog went live on screen. This happened because the blog which was reportedly titled as “Diggy Raja” appeared on-screen as “Doggy Raja”.

Digvijay was shocked and at the same time infuriated by the disgraceful behavior shown by the media persons. He could only speak after having few glasses of ice cold water. His first reaction was much of an anger outburst than an explanation, “See, this is what RSS is all about, since they cannot malign my public friendly image, they have taken into cheap tactics to make a mockery of me. I am sure my account was hacked before launching.”

On asked that maybe it’s a “typo”, Digvijay rubbished it by saying “I double spell-check my own name before publishing, I am sure there is RSS hand in it, period.”

HRD minister Kabil Sibbal said he was disgusted by the whole incident, “I stand by Digvijay Ji’s remark, but for a moment, if I agree to you people too that it might have been a typo, still it must have been corrected by the blogging site operators.” He further added ,”See, prominent personalities don’t have much time to think before they speak or write, as they have dedicated much of their cognitive powers towards nation building. So even if we speak or write something that appears to be out of context or misleading, it’s the responsibility of the social media to present our views in a better way to public. ”

An insider from the I&B ministry, later told the reporter that Kapil Sibal concern is very serious in nature and I&B ministry is framing some tough norms for the Social Media to curb the issues Mr Sibal discussed earlier.

The PMO, informed that the PM won’t be able to express his views right now, as he has been into an state of emotional turmoil since he has watched “Barfi.”

Interestingly at the time of this report being published, Digvijay Singh has garnered some interesting personalities to be his followers, namely Veena Malik, Rakhi Sawant, Sherlyn Chopra, Ashmit Patel and Mamta Banerjee.

Also, news has come in that reporter and journalist of national fame, Arnab Goswami was held outside Digvijay Singh’s residence later that night in an inebriated state, shouting “The nation demands an answer.” 

Rahul Gandhi To Marry Veena Malik

Amidst political instability and growing chances of Mid-term elections, Congress yuvraj Rahul Gandhi is all set to tie knot with sizzling Pak actress and Model Veena Malik in a simple ceremony. Sources close to the two confirmed the news. The marriage will however take place in a swayamwar style where 100s' of decoy suitors from the Congress party and SP, BSP will be dressed as Groom when Veena will select Rahul among many.

It is learned that since chances of money laundering cases against him can be filed against him after the elections, he decided that this is the right time to marry, when the cash is in surplus. The duo is expected to leave for a world tour, expectedly on government borne expenses. The PMO on queried about the same issued a statement saying, “Rahul Gandhi has given his blood and sweat for this country, this is just a small gesture of the government to pay him back.” 

Sonia Gandhi is said be on her toes from the day she got the news from Rahul baba himself and is planning a party at Silvio Berlusconi farmhouse on her next visit to Italy.

Several members of the party and opposition were contacted by our reporters to record their views about the matrimony. Here are some excerpts from a selected few.

Senior Pokes Person from Congress, Digvijay Singh was more than happy to express his views, “We are very happy that Rahul baba has finally decided to marry, but as an elder of the Congress family I’m also concerned about him, carrying the household duties on his shoulder at the tender age of 42.”

On questioning about Veena’s Pakistani roots, Digvijay’s reaction was acerbic: “Who told you that Veena is from Pakistan?” “Certainly there is RSS hand involved in this!” “I have documented proof(holding an A4 size paper that seems like a birth certificate) that she is as Indian as Sonia Ji herself and after marriage she will be the country’s Bahu and who knows might be the next Sonia Ji of Congress”.

The last remark however didn’t go well by other Congress leaders and the reporter was told that the remarks made by Digvijay Singh are his own views. News is around that he has been deported to Bangkok for three weeks while the reason being given by Congress is rather questionable: “Digvijay Ji is having a stiff neck from past few weeks and has gone for a thorough massage session in Bangkok”

BJP: - This is yet again a move by the Congress party to distract common mans’ attention from rising inflation and a policy paralyzed government fighting its own allies.”We oppose this decision and ask for the PM’s resignation for the 50^th and final time. We will disrupt the parliament in the winter session till the PM hand’s his resignation”, Arun Jaitley was quoted as saying on behalf of his party.

When informed that the marriage was scheduled to take place in the coming fortnight, the senior BJP leader, after a brief silence, said that then they will call for a nation vide “band” on the 30^th of this month.

President: President Pranab Mukherjee was more than happy to receive the news by the reporter. He called for “Rosogulla” and honored the reporter by making him have the dessert with his own hands. He said, “The country is eager to see Rahul baba  in a bigger role, and what better than this.”

It is learned that Superstar Ashmit Patel will perform the Kanyadaan ritual in the marriage ceremony.

The Dark Knight Rises

I believe that writing a movie review is tougher than writing news articles. The reason is quite simple; while the latter is based on facts and inferences, the former is based on perception which virtually is unique to everybody.

Movie is like an art, most flock to see it, some bother to decipher it, even lesser understands it and only a handful have knowledge of it. That’s why the Scorsese, Tarantino, Ritchie, Nolan are one of the rare found species of the movie world.

Coming to the point, The Dark Knights rises is the best befitting ending a movie has ever got. I am not saying “could” because I haven’t seen the future. The 164 mins of runtime seems less and you end up wanting for more. Some may find it a bit slow paced but as earlier mentioned, depends on what do you expect and want of a movie.

Technical Part: Every single frame is watermarked with the name “Christopher Nolan” over it. Nolan has proved his mettle in directing right from Memento till date, so for that part I would say just go and enjoy the delicacy he has to offer. But it’s the screenplay that leaves you gasping in awe. Undoubtedly the best Nolan has ever written.

Cinematography is again handled by the genius Wally Pfister. If “who?” pops in your mind go to IMDB and search his name and when you will see the list of movies like Memento, Italian Job, Batman Begins, The Prestige, The Dark Knight, Inception, Moneyball in his name, you may question yourself; is it by any chance possible that this man has 360 degree viewing angle?; because in this very part, the detailing in every frame is so vivid you come to believe that Yes, Gotham is somewhere in this world and not a fantasy.

For editing I would just say go and figure out, say, 10 mistakes if you may (yes just like in the kids section of newspapers). Believe me it will turn out to be one of the hardest jobs you ever picked up!

The actors may pull of their parts, the director may build an aura of his own and a cinematograph may take you to a world you have never seen before, but story is the one and only one thing that differentiates a great movie from a good movie. That is why I rate this as one of all-time greats. Every loose end gets tied up till the very end and you get answers to all of the questions that popped in your mind from the very first part.

Performances, Comparisons and Character Sketches:

Bane: Even before watching the movie, I was sure that Tom Hardy would justify his presence; he gave me so much confidence in him from “Warrior”. I can see/hear lot of people comparing Bane with Joker. While I agree that Bane doesn’t gives you chills and frills as the Joker did, but I think the comparison is wrong since both these characters are set poles apart. While Joker was an agent of chaos and randomness, Bane is all about destruction and discipline. Actually he pulls off from where Joker left. For a city already once marred by a psychopath and no Batman for quite a few years, Bane comes as a Tsunami. He quickly takes on your nerve and his brutality is so cold that you begin to hate him so much so that in the climax, you can see and hear the theatre thundering in applause.

Catwoman/ Selina K: I have to admit that I have not been a much fan of Anne Hathaway (although I have watched all her movies that too because she is so beautiful :P). The reason is her inconsistency, whether be the choices she made in doing the movies or her acting. Focusing on the character she plays in TDKR, it is a very layered one and she pulls it off just right. No more, no less, just perfect. I won’t comment on how beautiful she looks in every single frame because that would take me in to the pervert category but I would say right from the action sequences to where she has to play by her eyes, she takes you in her grip so firmly, you won’t let your eyes off her.

Gordon/ Blake / Alfred/ Fox/ Miranda: The Dark Knight Rises only because of these characters, period. You have to see the movie to understand what I am saying.

Batman/Bruce Wayne: He isn’t afraid, he is angry!

Christian Bale has always scored a home run right from the “American Psycho”, his first movie that I ever watched. He took me again by surprise in “The Machinist” losing 40 kg’s for a role and then came the Batman trilogy. Talking about TDKR, you can see that a superhero is still human. All these years of fighting war has taken a toll on him, the pain and frustration of failed love and wrong indict that Bale carries on his face is marvelous, but the moment he wears his cape, he is again the Batman, fighting evil the best he can and yes, You believe him. It won’t be wrong if I say that his movie is only and only for and by the Batman and his Rise. And believe my when I say when he rises; he doesn’t rises in style, in fact he rises against all odds.

Just don’t go watch it, Savor it again and again!

Avengers AKA IronMan and the SideKicks!

Good things first. Only director Joss Whedon can click so many superheroes in a single frame, period! Mind it when I say, “Superheroes”, if it would be about the number of characters clicking in a single frame than I would rather say Martin Scorsese (and that’s hell good of a thing for Joss to be compared with the latter).

I am not quite a big fan of WWE and Marvel when it comes to movie making, but this one is far better than what these two had to offer ever, especially in terms of script and dialogues. The punches can never be more hilarious and aptly sarcastic as they have been woven in this film.

The cinematography and action sequences are in league with Transformer series and you enjoy every bit of it. However, the aliens and their ships don’t leave you gasping in awe as they did in the Transformer series and I felt that they were a bit too fragile in breaking up and tearing down!

Now Comes to the Critic Part:

This film is highly, HIGHLY over-rated. If there would be a superlative for “highly” I would’ve used that. The current IMDB rating is 9.0 from I believe 21 thousand kids alone.  Because 9.0, whatever be the genre, makes the movie stand at par with Shawshank, Godfather, Good Will Hunting which it is not and no mature movie viewer would  ever believe that.

The first half is too long. I could literally hear people chatting around just because the narrative was not catchy enough if not boring. Since the viewer knew almost nothing about  Black Widow and Hawkeye, some sequences were just built up to give some form to their character, but even after that they ended up nothing more than a side kick. Same goes for Thor and (worthless) Captain America. Even Iron Man takes every possible dig on him and on his lesser knowledge of the “New” world if not for a less IQ.

Only One character takes almost all of the loaf, and that is Iron Man. With best punching lines, maximum on-screen time and a fair role in climax leave every other character except the Hulk look like a sidekick, and I’m not saying Hulk as a sidekick because he has the minimum time on-screen but has the maximum impact and even the “hero” Iron Man compared him to an army in one of the scenes with Loki (the villain).

One more thing that I want to mention is the cheap tactics that is being used by Hollywood is to gain the viewership of Indian audience by mentioning India’s name or show a scene or two of this “Exotic” country. I mean the scene where Hulk is seen residing in India is not more than 30 sec long comprising a Hindi dialogue is nothing more than cheap publicity. Also at the end of the movie, we can see graffiti “Nayak” on some wall with Iron Man’s pic on it, lauding the superhero. I mean what needs to be questioned is that why in the whole world such a graffiti would be made in our country when the aliens attack only New York this time and not even the whole of America(like every other superhero movie).

Conclusion: Avengers is a good movie in its own genre. Go and enjoy with a popcorn and cola and you will laugh every now and then as the punches are nicely placed and well timed in the movie, just do not expect a masterpiece like Dark Knight or anything. The movie is a real entertained and I would give it a cool 7.5/10.